30 Day FYLBGT Meme #1: Sexual/Gender Identity

Posted: 08/18/2010 in 30 Day FYLBGT Meme, Girl Stuff, Queer
Tags: , , ,

“Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.”

Real Doll production line, photo by Canepari

People have been saying nice things about my writing lately and doing stuff like RTing my posts, so naturally I took a break from writing because I fucking hate positive reinforcement (I kid, lavish it on). It’s also been noted- as if this is somehow a bad thing or out of the ordinary- that I haven’t written about anything but comics lately. I’d argue that I put a lot more into the DC meme than just comics but that’s a moot point. This is going to be a fun exercise, beyond just getting me writing regularly again and about things other than comics. Pretty much everything that is going to be going under this header will be put into words for the first time. I created this blog and launched my campaign to rebrand/reinvent myself under the Emma Houxbois persona literally within days of finally being certain of both my sexual orientation and gender identity for the first time in my life. Maybe “conscious” is a better term than certain, but that’s all semantics.

Emma Houxbois is the projection of my future self, the outward manifestation of everything that I feel that I am and want to be. Emma is a cisgender lesbian but I am currently a biological male, so you see where the disconnect is. There are a great many amazing people who identify as trans who prefer to present and identify as something outside of binary gender norms without undergoing hormone treatment or gender reassignment surgery. For them, trans is a destination. For me, trans is a word to describe the period of my life that I’m entering; a period of transition into something else. Being creative about my identity has never been a problem. At first it was a way to grasp at some kind of understanding of what I am, but now it’s more of a way to mask pain, uncertainty, and anxiety with humour and strength.

I’ve both been given and given myself all kinds of tongue in cheek labels and titles for the unique space that I occupy. For now, I think I’ll use the subtitle of this blog: Une Femme Sous Construction, which translates as “A Woman Under Construction.” Simple, elegant, and concise. Which are all things that I am not.

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